Stephanie Red Feather
 
 
Shadow Speak
         
The Hard Truth About Asking For What You Need

It’s an important pillar of owning your power: asking for what you need. At some point along our journey we begin to realize that we deserve and are worthy of what we desire. We become more adept at recognizing what we want and need and start to make ourselves a priority.

Power without consciousness to direct it is dangerous and destructive. At a subconscious level, it's one of the reasons so many of us are afraid of our own power in the first place. But to step into our power and learn to ask for what we need means we need to apply a measure of responsibility, both in what we are asking and what we are expecting.

But there’s a sneaky expectation that can often entangle itself with our newfound courage and ability to stand up for ourselves: that we’re entitled to what we ask for.

Quite often we inadvertently link together that asking for what we need means it should be given to us, plain and simple. And this is the hard truth about asking for what you need: asking ain't all there is to it. As one of my mentors said, ”It is YOUR responsibility to ask for what you need…and NOBODY’s responsibility to give it to you.”

This can be a challenging pill to swallow. Especially when we are in a vulnerable place of testing our fledgling courage and worth. If someone says no, we can get our feelings hurt, take it personally or shut down. We might even use it as an excuse to prove that we really are worthless, that no one ever listens to us and that this whole own-your-power-thing is a bunch of crap.

When we step out of victim mentality and start to own that we are co-creators with spirit and that we are in charge of our reality, we begin to realize that WE are responsible for meeting our own needs. Yes, of course this means we voice our needs to others. But to go into a conversation or situation always expecting that just because you ask means everyone should comply is faulty logic. It is an unrealistic expectation.

Asking To Have Needs MetGetting your needs met doesn’t mean hopping from relationship to relationship or job to job until you find the person who will acquiesce to every demand and whim. It doesn’t mean blurting out every desire you have every moment you have one. And it doesn’t mean becoming overbearing and throwing a temper tantrum if you don't get your way. These are regressive behaviors, which are expected out of a child, but are inappropriate as an adult.

Yet, it is often the route we take as we begin to flex our ask-for-what-I-need muscle — we revert to childish expressions and demands, as though we are starting over on the development timeline. And, in a way, we are. The emotional, physical, spiritual and mental maturity in a person are rarely at the same "age," especially as we begin to awaken in consciousness. And so it stands to reason that when we step into something new, it is much like learning to walk all over again. We are "catching up," so to speak, in our development and maturity.

When we begin to step into our power, especially if we’ve had a repressive childhood or been a people-pleaser, we also need to be mindful that the pendulum doesn't swing to the other extreme as we flex our muscles and practice our perceived authority. It is important to stay conscious with it so that we don’t become demanding, stop listening to the other person, or develop a sense of entitlement. It is far too easy to unknowingly slip into believing that the world owes us because of all the hardships we've had to endure. Therefore, every need we have should be immediately met to make up for the plethora of unmet needs of our early life.

Finally, there is a vital component that goes along with accepting and wielding our power with grace: responsibility. Power without consciousness to direct it is dangerous and destructive. At a subconscious level, it's one of the reasons so many of us are afraid of our own power in the first place. But to step into our power and learn to ask for what we need means we need to apply a measure of responsibility, both in what we are asking and what we are expecting. Being responsible for what we ask, how we ask, who we ask and when we ask is key. It's the difference between wielding our power from a childish and self-indulgent state or as a conscious mature adult.

Unhelpful Ways To Ask

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© 2017 Stephanie Red Feather Bullet 913-515-3271 Bullet stephanie@redfeatherconnections.com